Jason Statham thriller 13, based on the original Tzameti, makes its DVD and Blu-ray premiere in the US today. In honour of its release, That Film Thing takes a look at a few other remakes we’d like The Stath to tackle…

Amadeus
Salieri’s in big fucking trouble now that Wolfgang’s packing a couple of M16A2s with M203 grenade launchers as Statham brings disharmony to classical music in the remake of Milos Forman’s tale of the genius composer. As Stath says to his rival before dispatching him, “Stick that in your Magic Flute and smoke it…”

One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest
Ever wondered what would have happened had the patients overthrown Nurse Ratched? Statham’s take on Jack Nicholson’s McMurphy is an altogether more violent affair in a crackpots and gunshots battle that sees him taking over the asylum. No giant silent American Indians needed.

Bicycle Thieves
When his bicycle is pinched and his job is threatened, Statham’s poster boy Tony Ricci doesn’t get the police, he gets even, kicking off a one-man war against petty crime on the streets of post-war Rome in the action remake of Vittoria de Sica’s 1948 Oscar winner. “Tutto bene? I don’t think so…”

13 is out now in the US on DVD, Blu-ray and download.